What?

No, seriously -- what?

Statistics don't lie

Nearly 100% of all monsters are illiterate.

Won't you please volunteer to help them learn to read?

Note: Most of your time will be spent trying to drag the little wanks off the bookshelf.

TKO

It's what happens when the boy and the girl return home after being away.

The monster in winter

Mad hops

I said a hip hop the hippie the hippie

to the hip hip a hop and ya don't stop

Step 1: Cut a hole in a box ...

Not gonna get you a diamond ring

That sort of gift don't mean anything

Not gonna get you a fancy car

Girl ya gotta know you're my shining star

...

It's my cat in a box! My cat in a box, girl.

Something something killed the cat

Machine wash cold. Tumble dry, low heat.

Mnstr slp nw

A version of this was on display this morning.

Not sure how you show off in your sleep, but there it is.

Douche bag

Dismemberment plan

After the chair gets it, you're next.

Hello

No one sees me. I repeat ...

Just another manic monster Monday

You were away all weekend. I think I'll purr for 10 hours straight. Then wake up on top of you in an upside-down heap like a pile of unkempt laundry (Figure 1). Then follow you around all morning (Figure 2).

Then ... oh yes, miscalculate my trip to the litter box and wander into your bedroom later with shit smeared all over my ass.

(Figure 1)


(Figure 2)

It's a ploy

Hi. I just attacked you enthusiastically while you were sitting on the toilet. That really wore me out.

Bad monster

I bit you on the chin. And now I'm sullen.

(A few minutes later.)

Dreaming about how good you taste ...

Meet the monster. He is alternately an evil menace and the greatest stuffed animal that ever came to life. This is a daily account of the many ways in which he tortures and charms us.